I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
