You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
