the new term for farting is butt boxing.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
