So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Randomize
