I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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