Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
