My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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