i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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