Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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