i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
