just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
