matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize