Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
