im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
they need to just BURY HIM!
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
