I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Randomize
