I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
