Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
