Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Randomize
