What did we do last night that was yellow?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
