ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
