my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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