i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
