are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
