I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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