What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
you win again, gameday.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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