I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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