it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
