2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize