just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
