dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Omg I joined a choir last night...
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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