Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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