Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
