she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
