I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
