Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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