I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
