I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
