Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
