Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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