My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
