How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Let's paint friendship bongs
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
