Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
