I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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