Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
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