false alarm. still invincible.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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