sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
