so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
