So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
