I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
