If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
