Pants 0. Shit 1.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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