I didn't shave. On purpose
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Randomize
