thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
