I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
