roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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