So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
