I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
