Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Randomize
