last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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