No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Randomize
