Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
